The Real Reason You Can't Succeed
By Camille BoivinJuly 3, 2012
It’s been about one week since you’ve run that load of laundry and it’s still sitting on the dining room table waiting to be folded. Does that sound familiar? Or maybe your associate called three days ago, and still you haven’t called back. How about that one? One last guess, you’ve been meaning to exercise more often – you even signed up for those classes at the yoga centre, but that attendance sheet has yet to receive more than a single tick.
We’ve all got a story, situations that we neglect, or don’t want to acknowledge. But you know what? That’s just surface stuff. What we really all have is a ‘deeper story’, and it’s often a story we don’t even want to tell ourselves. But today we’re going to hear from Lisa, you know Lisa – we’ve been learning alongside, and she’s going to share her ‘real story’ as an illustration that once you tackle the core problem, all that other stuff takes care of itself.
“When we first started coaching, it wasn’t long after my mom had passed away. There was so much stuff, so much stuff, and we moved it all to my house the weekend after she died. That was really painfully hard. The whole part of my dining room was full of boxes and stuff, not just my mom’s but also my dad’s stuff.”
Lisa has a strong link between disorder and emotional upheaval. While she realizes this connection now, looking back she can see how the emotional impact spread through her life. “It wasn’t the stuff . . . it was the emotions behind the stuff that made it impossible to put away. My office become out of order, everything became out of order.”
It was during coaching with Sister Leadership that Lisa finally began to tackle her deeper, more relevant story: “We got more into the deeper levels of what is the real story. It’s not about the stuff, so what am I having a hard time with? You know, we worked through that, and it was like plucking a thorn out of my side. In fact, I don’t even remember the points anymore, but once they were addressed, it heals up and it’s gone. Evaporated. I went home, and over the course of a weekend I just put it away.”
A task that had felt so momentous suddenly became manageable once the emotions were addressed.
Your take away: Start to dig. See where you feel you’re failing, and start asking why. Ask it over and over until the emotional guard drops and you begin to hit deeper issues.
A great technique for this is free writing: write down your problem, and then just let your mind go as your hand begins to explain the situation.
Another technique is to bring this to a coach who has the tools to not only revel your deeper story, but also give you a coping strategy and reveal how that emotional issue ripples through your entire life.
“What I find at work is that it’s often the same as home. If I clear up here, I will go home and clear up there.”
What about you – think of an issue that you can’t shake off, whether it seems big or small, and start working backwards.Â We all have these deeper stories, and they impact the decisions made on a daily basis. The first step in regaining control is to ask why.
So go ahead right now. Ask yourself: Why?
Camille Boivin is founder of Sister Leadership, bringing herknowledge of resilience, perseverance, and changing perception to others. She aspires toÂ help women explode their success. For more posts and experiences, join Camille at her Sister Leadership page, connect on Twitter, and follow on FacebookÂ . Welcome to the Sister Leadership community!
Title: Certified Executive Coach, ACC
Organization: Sister Leadership
Camille Boivin transitioned from 30 years of corporate sales and marketing experience to one with more entrepreneurial spirit. In 2009/2010, she reached top sales recognition by achieving 49% growth in multi-million dollar advertising buys at our nationâ€™s #1 daily newspaper, The Ottawa Citizen. As she creates a space to be more curious about life, she is coaching extraordinary women leaders in entrepreneurship, mid-management and senior executive positions. Transformational coaching consists of mind, body and purpose shifts, which is supported by focusing on building on strengths. Ms. Boivin's clients are leaders in healthcare, client relationship management, entrepreneurship and knowledge transfer. Ms. Boivin is a graduate of the Royal Roads Executive coach training program and possess 30 years of experience in the corporate sales and marketing. She is a certified practitioner of EQ 2.0 and DISC. As a master practitioner of Neuro Linguistic Programming, she facilitates workshops on how to better communicate with others as well as to seek clarity for what we want in life. She is a trained facilitator of DISC, Legacy Leadership and Coaching Out-of-the-Box. Ms. Boivin's top five values are: courage, empathy, confidence, community and wellness. What she brings to the co-creation coaching process is a very safe space to dive into bigger issues both personally and professionally, starting with business challenges and, when the client is ready, moving away from strategies into our belief system. Purpose fuels her courage as she has transitioned, as many do, from a fiery point of disease to one of extraordinary health. She has been through the eye of the needle and returned with more energy and resilience than ever before.